Mr. Ferguson let me down!
7-8-1
It's
tough when Jesus lets you down on Christmas. Not only
was Chris Ferguson wrong, but he took me down with him.
In the end, I was accosted by animals all throughout
the family loving Christmas weekend!
LOSERS
Buffalo
@ Cincinnati (-13.5) - The crafty Bengal was
the first to let me down as the mammoth Bill rammed
me over and over until I couldn't feel it any longer.
To put it simply I felt like Jenna Jameson after a bout
with Mr. Ron and his overworked friend Pedro. This one
hurt!
San
Diego (+1.5) @ Kansas City - Like I said, "Larry
Johnson will shine in this game." That's that.
Larry's shine out shone "The best back in the league,"
Ladainian Tomlinson. It pains me to suggest it, but
if Larry started all year would he take the yardage
in a season record? His 8 game stats suggest he'd be
close. The Chargers let me down again, ending there
playoff homes. There wasn't an animal that hurt me in
this one, but the Chiefs did a dandy job filling in.
Tennessee
(+6) @ Miami - "I was thinking Miami, but when
I went to the fridge I came back thinking Tennessee."
(Me) This just shows, always trust your gut, unless
you fill it up with a bunch of three day old eggnog
and some two week old chocolate pie. The Titans didn't
stand a chance after Steve McNair went down. The Dolphin
was my enemy in this match, the crafty water mammal
splashed me with his flipper then nudged me rather rudely
right in the junk.
Dallas
@ Carolina (-5) - Bledsoe was sacked 8 times,
but the Panthers couldn't pull it together and find
Steve Smith for the game winning touchdown. What's that?
No one could find Smith? Oh, that's because he got booted
from the game because he grabbed the referee and shook
his ass like the zebra-bitch that he is. That should
be the rule. You fuck up a call you get shook like a
bitch. Roll on Steve! Win this week and you're in, that's
good enough for me. Shat on by a Panther. The animal
abuse continues.
NY
Giants (+3) @ Washington - Mark Brunell went down
and I thought I had this one in the bag. I was wrong.
Patrick Ramsey actually looked pretty good, but it was
the Redskin defense that came out and smacked Eli Manning
like the little pain in the ass brother that he is.
Tiki Barbar didn't get enough touches, but the Giants
clinched a playoff birth anyway. Crazy Giants, those
animals always come out and... okay, not animals, I
know. They killed me nonetheless.
Philadelphia
(+1) @ Arizona - This was a match of the birds,
so I knew I was in for a treat. The Eagles stormed out
of the gates like the Eagles of old and finished like
the new loser Philly squad that they are. Ryan Moats
broke my balls with 0 fantasy points and Josh McCowen
came in and sniped the Cardinals a victory. This is
something Kurt Warner had a very tough time doing all
year. Coincidence? Yes. Birds will peck you to pieces,
don't be fooled by their soft feathers. They may eat
like a tall, skinny, pube head, but they are to be feared!
New
England @ NY Jets (+5) - "This time Jesus
and I disagree. I don't think the Patriots have anything
to play for, in which case they'll sit Tom Brady in
turn giving away all chances of winning, even against
the lowly Jets." I was dead wrong and Mr. Chris
Ferguson was right. That didn't happen all weekend,
just in this one case where I bet against the card shark.
The Patriots scattered the ball around and the Jets
never had a chance from the get go. Stinky nuts!
Minnesota
(+3) @ Baltimore - Well if you weren't tricked by
Boller's good game last week, then you were tricked
again by the Boller-meister this week. That sneaky Californian!
Boller might work out after all. Who knows, the Ravens
might even resign Jamal Lewis after he ran some signs
of life. All I know is, Ravens are dirty. They'll eat
garbage off the streets and steal your money right out
of your pockets if you don't move fast enough. I was
slow. They jacked me up like Tom Jackson!
WINNERS
Pittsburgh
(-7) @ Cleveland - "If the Steelers win out,
they'll find themselves in the playoffs. The Browns
have played well of late, but there is no way they get
in the way of the Steel Show making it to the post season.
They just aren't that kind of team. They'll sneak by
the Raiders. They'll beat the Titans. They won't upset
the Steelers. Big Ben struggled to produce last week,
but with the way his defense played he didn't need to
throw touchdowns. This week, Ben will attempt to get
his cannon up to speed right before the playoffs."
(Me) Unfortunately for the Chiefs, I think the Steelers
are ready. Ben looked good, completing passes to 6 different
receivers without committing a turnover. Hines Ward
looked good, and Willie Parker, Vernon Haynes, and Jerome
Bettis all rushed for a score. Both Pitt and New England
look good right about now.
Jacksonville
(-6) @ Houston - "Throw out all history and
all the previous games this season. The Jaguars need
to win this game to assure their place in the playoffs.
Sure, they played more like pussy cats than Jaguars
last week against the 49ers, but that was last week.
The Jags will dominate the Texans, just as the Houston
should hope. Expect Fred Taylor to shine in a game he'll
be relied on to move the ball. David Garrard will find
Jimmy Smith, Reggie Williams, and Ernest Wilford for
a couple scores as the Jaguars pummel the Texans. Don't
be confused by a couple out-of-character games last
week. These two teams will return to their old selves."
(Me) When you're right on like this you have to boast.
Garrard looked solid, and Wilford, Williams, and Smith
combined for 238 yards and a touchdown. Fred Taylor
carried the load to the tune of 22 carries for a 101
yards and a touchdown. LaBrandon Toefield had 3 touchdowns
on 4 carries. Good ratio.
Detroit
(+3) @ New Orleans - This game was just as bad as
it looked. The only touchdown in the game was scored
by a 6'5" 365lb monster of a defensive tackle,
Shaun Rogers. John Carney had four field goals, but
Jason Hanson had two in the 4th quarter to sink the
Saints' ship. That's all I have to say. The game was
gross!
San
Francisco (+9) @ St. Louis - "The 49ers are
getting too many points to bet against them this week
in St. Louis. Plus, they're playing against St. Louis.
St. Louis is responsible for half of the 49ers' victories
this year." (Me) Make that 66%. How pathetic is
that? Feels good to be a horned goat right about now
doesn't it? Little do the Niners know, but just like
Jesus said, both of these teams lost on Sunday. The
Rams lost the game and the Niners lost the chance of
taking home Reggie Bush on draft day. Even with a loss
to the Texans next week, there will be a team with a
lesser strength of schedule with three wins. Idiots!
Indianapolis
@ Seattle (-7) - Hold the Hawks. Seattle would
win in a heads up game even if the Colts cared about
the outcome of the game. Alexander's going to be a Colt
headache. (Ferguson) Like Chris said, this one was easy
for the Hawks. A headache indeed; Shaun got his three
touchdowns, now all he needs is one more to become the
all time leader. Sweet Shaun! Take it to the bank. Then,
take your own self to the bank and cash that new touchdown
maker machine check.
Chicago
(-6.5) @ Green Bay - "The Bears are a good
football team. I made it on the bandwagon last week,
and Jesus is on it with me this week. Hold this hand!
These Bears might even win a playoff game with Rex on
board. Ferguson is right. Rex Grossman gives the Bears
a piece of the puzzle they have been playing without
all year." Rex can get the ball to off season signee,
Mushin Muhammad and speedster Bernard Berrien. Kyle
just didn't have the experience to do so. Chicago's
defense is much better than the Ravens. How does that
sound Brett? Brett Favre might go his fourth straight
game without a touchdown pass. " (Me) What can
I say? I'm Brilliant Guiness style. Rex completed passes
down field, and though he didn't have a great game,
he makes it possible for Thomas Jones to get better
looks. Lets put it this way, if it's 3rd and 5, the
Bears can now choose to pass or run. Brett had a dandy,
300 yards, nice, how 'bout them 4 picks without a touchdown?
Not so nice.
Oakland
@ Denver (-13) - "Mike Anderson will eclipse
1000 yards in this game, making him the one billionth
different back to gain a grand in Shanahan's offense.
Take the Broncos in what has the making of a shellacking."
(Me) The game only came down to a 19 point differential,
but the Broncos were a million times better than the
Raiders. Big Mike broke the grand mark, and the Bronco's
celebrated by clinching home field throughout the playoffs
until they play the Colts (if that should happen).
PUSH
Atlanta
@ Tampa Bay (-3) - Push's suck. It means you
were just wrong enough not to win a dime and just right
enough to say... "Ah, it was that close."
The damn Buccaneers couldn't slay the three point spread,
but Matt Bryant got my money back. Not bad against those
horrible predator birds. They're dangerous.
Good
Luck with your NFL Football Betting!
Lucky Lester - Free
Football Picks
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