Weaksauce!
I
hate to say it, but I failed the Week 10 test.
There's just been a couple weeks that did me
twice over. The pain has begun to travel into
my fingertips, so don't be taken aback if my
writing tends to fall into the flagrant - personal
foul category. BASTARD! Honestly, I don't know
what's getting "Shit! Ass!" into me,
I can't focus. Dallas came back to beat Philly?
Oh my God... My neck, my back.... OH... There's
only one thing to do, look at my problem picks
and fix, fix, fix. If I fail to do that, I heard
my wife talking to her mom about fixing someone.
That can't "BALLS!" be good.
All
My Losers
Chiefs
(+1.5) @ Bills - My best bet of the week
went a little sour on me when Trent Green decided
to throw three interceptions. Larry Johnson
had over 170 total yards, but Vermeil seemed
to abandon him late in the game. That silly
mother. The Chiefs seemed like they were dominating,
but never really took a chance at the end zone.
Something that usually needs be done to win
games. In a much needed game the Chiefs choked
on a sack of buzzard balls, making me look stupid
and them feel even worse.
Redskins
(-2) @ Tampa Bay - Chris Simms was playing
pretty well, but I was still very confident
with the Skins up 35-38. "Idiot!"
As if I was slung into a scolding hot fire "The
Clap!" I started to feel burning all over.
I flipped the channel to see what had gone wrong.
It was still fine, it was third down and ten,
the Buc's were about to be had by the 'Skins.
And then it happened. Chris Simms, ala Brunell
to Moss, slung a deep ball into the hands of
this Anthony guy, and just like that the game
was tied. Or was it? Oh no. The Skins had like
3 penalties and instead of going for one, Gruden
went for two. "Son of a Bitch!" Alstot
got way too much friendly buddy love from the
zebras, and they called the conversion good.
Fortunately someone in the booth saw that Mike
didn't get in. Unfortunately referees are a
pile of stubborn stale rotten piss, so the guy
in charge didn't overturn the call. Now a field
goal pushes me over. What field goal? "Whore!"
I lose again!
Vikings
@ Giants - C'mon... "Cock!"
Who in their right mind saw this coming. I took
the Giants giving 10 for Tice's sake. With nary
an offensive touchdown the Vikings still managed
to outscore Eli Manning and his 4 wayward interceptions.
Those bloody Mannings. The Giants pooped the
bed, leaking some unnecessary residue into my
already pungent diarrhea pile. I'm not even
mad about this one. I'm amazed. The Giants ate
an entire cheese log and then pooped in their
bed. Amazing!
Cardinals
(+4) @ Lions - Two words I thought I'd never
see leading the Lions to victory; Joey Harrington.
Are you kidding me? The kid blew up on the Cards,
who seem to be playing a JV defense in all away
games. "Donkey-Trout!" 3 touchdowns,
all to Roy Williams, makes me think Joey might
have a little hope after all. What's that you
say? Jeff Garcia might start next week? Oh yeah,
good move Marioochi! Use a washed up, good for
nothing, out of the league in two years, ugliest
bastard in sports, Jeff Garcia to try and get
your second straight win. Where do they get
these assholes? Either way, the Cards lost another
game with Warner at the helm, but I don't think
he's at fault. He sucks, it's true, but the
'Zona running game looks a little more like
the people running from the bulls, and a little
less like the actual bulls.
Ravens
(+7) @ Jacksonville - As if the crap stained
weekend wasn't bad enough already, the Jaguars
scored more points against the Ravens than they've
scored in a single game in a million years.
How can I predict this shit? Kyle Boller gave
the Ravens another reason to lose the rest of
their games and attempt to smuggle Matt Leinart
out of the draft. Boller took too many sacks
and did nothing to help the Ravens win. What
happened to the running game in Baltimore? Jamal
Lewis? The Jags are for real, a playoff team,
who needs to win the games against the teams
they should beat. Like the Titans next week
for example. That's a must win.
Texans
@ Colts (-17) - The Texans managed to
stay just close enough to make me a loser in
this one. "Somebody bitch slap me while
I can still feel it!" I needed 17, I got
14. Sounds just about right. Andre Johnson didn't
do well. Dominick Davis didn't play. The Texans
still held tight. It looked like the Colts were
doing whatever they wanted. Maybe Manning was
shaving points? Hahaha... "Ass!" What
will the Texans do with the number one draft
pick? Trade it for an entire offensive line?
Broncos
@ Raiders (+3) - So this is where Kerry
Collins has been hiding. I was wondering where
the drunk, interception throwing, back-foot
leaning, testi-juggling quarterback had been
hiding. Well, Collins had his new coming out
party. Two cheers for Kerry! Hip, hip, blow
it out your ass, Kerry. The Raiders need to
trade Collins for a six pack, and then hide
it from him until he packs his bags and heads
out. Give Tuiasasopo a chance. Collins isn't
the answer in Oakland. The damn Broncos are
good. I hate to say it, but Shanahan is a genius.
He took the entire Brown defensive line and
made them a great front four. Genius.
Browns
@ Steelers - Speaking of quarterback changes.
What is Romeo Crenell waiting for? A letter
in the mail from the grim reaper telling Dilfer
his time is up. No, honestly, Trent has played
pretty well, but why not see if Frye, the rookie,
can play this game? The Browns are going to
have lots of choices come draft time, and if
they feel they have an answer at the QB position,
they'll be much better off. Edwards needs to
see more PT, and Frye needs to get a shot. The
Steelers, on the other hand, could have won
this game with Antwaan Randel El starting at
Q. Seriously, the kid is something else. In
fact, they might be better off with him in the
game. Oh, and by the way, the guys on Sunday
Night Football need to be pimp-slapped by Rick
James, or possible Gilbert Brown. The garbage
they were saying about Tommy Maddox was very
inappropriate and unprofessional. "Fucking
Dicks!"
Cowboys @ Eagles (-3) - The Cowboys flipped
the script on their loss to the Redskins. Complete
domination by the Eagles for 55 minutes of the
game, but the 'Boys came out on top. I can't
hate any outcome more. I want to see the Cowboys
win like I want to see what Joe Theisman and
Paul McGwire do with each other after the game.
And to watch them win like this; bloody hell!
The Eagles have really disappointed me this
time. Beware of them if Donovan doesn't start
next week, they always do well with back-ups.
My
Winning Few
Packers
(+9.5) @ Falcons - Whew! This one brought
me back to smiles, sunshine, and away from my
moonshine. I definitely called this one to a
T. Will this give the Packers enough confidence
to run their conference and squiggle into the
playoffs? Will Joe Theisman ever shut his good
for nothing pie hole? No, and unfortunately
no. But the Pack will never give up and could
put a dent in more than a few playoff hopes.
For example, an old fashioned crushing of the
lame Viking playoff hopes next week on Monday
Night Football is exactly what I'm talking about.
Rams
@ Seahawks (-7) - The Hawks have really
improved from last year. They get my vote as
the best team in the NFC. Alexander has been
playing very well, running tough all over the
field, instead of only near the end zone. Hasselbeck
is solid, and D-Jack will be coming back soon.
The Hawks are getting help from everyone on
their team. Back-up receivers are playing balls
out and down field blocks are turning 10 yard
runs into 25 yard scampers. I love watching
Holmgren's teams when they're at their best.
They were exactly that against the Rams. The
Hawks continued to dominate their competition.
Patriots
(-3) @ Dolphins - I didn't think it was
possible, but the Dolphins looked like they
were going to win this game. It turned out it
wasn't possible. Still, I can't believe how
average the Patriots look... wait, yes I can.
I predicted this business before the season
started. Tom Brady continues to lead his team
to victory in games they should be winning.
49ers
(+13) @ Bears - This game was gross! But,
I must admit, I called this one as well. Neither
team did much. The Niners had 3 field goals,
competed 1 of 13 passes, and had a total of
161 yards on the day. And they still only lost
by 8. That's because Chicago ran the ball just
as much as San Francisco. They only had 13 passes
too, but Orton completed 8 of them. One of the
most exciting plays of the year, a 108 yard
field goal return by Nathan Vasher put the Bears
up as time expired in the first half. The Niners
never recovered. I've never seen a windier football
game. The way the wind took field goals was
phenomenal.
Good
Luck with your NFL Football Betting!
Lucky Lester - Free
Football Picks
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