Ask Papa Weimer: Week 13

Alright, you guys know the gig, e-mail me your questions and I’ll answer them. If I think any are worth sharing in that special kind of sharing way, I’ll post them up on the site in this question and answer section. For this week, I hope you enjoy the show… 

Billy Hoyle from NoCal asks, “I know I could have probably looked it up, but that’s not as much fun. I’ve asked you lots of questions, and your answers have always been useful and entertaining - so, without further ado, can you please explain to me what the hell a Turdunkan is? “

WITHOUT looking it up, I will do my best to give you my version of a freakish Thanksgiving extravaganza that can only really be correctly described by someone crazy enough to be as successful and obviously inept as one John Madden. Here goes nothing Billy Hoyle. A Turdunkan is a mixture of three birds, but more of a lego creation than an actual mix. See, a Turdunkan consists of a Turkey, a Duck, and a Chicken - but not just pieces, all three birds mooshed together. Better yet, mooshed inside one another. You have the turkey on the outside, the chicken inside the turkey, and the duck inside the chicken - unless of course you get organic chicken, in which case you probably have to breast the duck to fit it in the chicken. There is stuffing in the Turkey and likely the chicken as well, and I’m sure the bird sauce combines to make one hell of a gravy starter - but all in all, this is a de-feathered fluster of bird that is bound to make you feel like you’re delivering a baby while preparing the damn thing. I’d eat one, but creating seems unlikely. I say do it all big guy, but deep fry them in a giant vat of oil. Not frozen thought, that creates bombs. 

Jessi Harrison yells, “I HATE THE LIONS!!! Isn’t it time to throw this “tradition” under the freaking bus? Tell me one good reason the good public should be forced to watch these kittens play!”

Jessi, if you so insist - here’s 4 good reasons to watch that terrible team. Everyone should watch the Lions play on Sunday to further their respect for their own team. That’s right - if you think your team is struggling Seahawk fan, Rams fan, 49er, Texans fan, and even Raider fan (just barely), set your eyes on the Lions against the Titans and laugh it up, point and cackle, because after a good Lion game, you’ll feel like Matt Schaub and company are on the verge of Super Bowl stardom. How about History? That’s reason two. This team isn’t going to win a game. I don’t care what anybody says. It’s not likely to happen, why? They are the worst team in the NFL, by far. I know history suggests a win is on the way, but can history take into account the fact that almost every team is pretty solid, except the freaking Lions? No it can’t. History forgets that fact. The ghost of Barry Sanders. I don’t think anybody would admit to this, but until Barry takes over this team, or Barry releases his ghostly powers over the Lions organization, they are damned to failure. So follow him, and hate them as best you can. If those reasons aren’t enough, how about Calvin Johnson. Talk about a guy that has it all. Every team in the league knows who is getting the ball - but Calvin still gets it. Sure, he got screwed when the Lions took him #2, but he’s rich now, and gets to catch footballs for a nice living - don’t feel too bad for him.

theRUNDOWN: Week 13

For those of you new to theRUNDOWN this is what I do. I pick my best team of the week, some nice plays with a few reasons to back up my picks. I’ll list a few sleepers and some guys I wouldn’t play for hopes of a better options - This is my lucky Week 13 extravaganza! Enjoy!

Ask Papa Weimer: Week 12

Here’s a couple people that gave thanks on Monday morning….

Red-Red Ryan wrote, “The picture of me as Bo Jackson is hilarious by the way, but it didn’t help me from getting beat by 40 points in one of my leagues, but I was money in the other two and I needed them bad. So Thanks big guy, thanks a lot. Red knows Red!”

Nice.

Alice writes, “Well I would have started Addai and Slaton (kind of worried about Dallas’s offense) without you, so your change to Slaton and Barber actually lost me 4 fantasy points - though all three had very good days. I also would have started Calvin Johnson, Andre Johnson, and Brandon Marshall - so your trade of Jericho for Calvin actually lost me a single point. However, I did win anyway as all my guys had big days (except Andre Johnson). I don’t owe you a date or any hot scandalous pictures or anything - but you’re still alright with me. I’ll have more for you later in the week.”

Good deal. In a non-PPR league I think I would have helped you out. I’m glad you won anyway. I still love you.

Johnny 6 thanks me, “Thank you, I won by 5, DeAngelo has a much better day than AP, and the unprecidented move of AP to the bench made me a happy camper.”

You bet. Me too.

And now for the questions for Week 12…

Julian not Peterson writes, “I’m a Hawks fan, and a huskies fan for that matter, so you can see that my season is basically in shambles - but a 26-20 loss to the Cards has me hoping for us to play great football and lose the rest of the way. I am in the playoffs in my fantasy league and have a chance to pick up either Deion Branch, Bobby Engram, or Donnie Avery - the Hawks should be throwing a lot, which way would you go? Also, if the Hawks continue to lose out, and get a top 5 pick, who are the best 5 guys us Seattle hopeful can be looking to draft?”

Alright, lets break it down like this. Julian Peterson, by the way, is my favorite Seahawk. Definitely a tough year to root for Washington in any form, but being a Husky fan at least you can be happy to see the Cougars getting kicked around. Not all is lost. As for the receiver pick up, I’d go with Branch. He’s the best receiver of the bunch, and he was at least decently productive against the Cardinals. Their schedule isn’t too tough against the pass, but neither is the Rams schedule. Still, I would be more comfortable going with Branch against the Cowboys, Patriots, and Rams in the fantasy playoffs - neither is great in the secondary.

As for your next question, I would say these are the Top 5 guys in the draft, and Seattle should have a chance at one of them…  Michael Oher (OT-TEX), Andre Smith (OT-Alabama), Michael Crabtree (WR-TTech), Eugene Monroe (OT-Virginia), and Michael Johnson (DE-GTech) - those are the goods in my opinion, and they could use any of them - especially a stud on the O-line.

The Guy says, “I hear lots of good things about next years’ skill draft; Knowshon Moreno, Crabtree, Maclin, Beanie Wells, Percy Harvin, C.J. Spiller, Darrius Heyward-Bey, and the QB’s (Bradford, Stafford, Harrell) - and I’ll be looking for those guys during my league’s dynasty rookie draft, but who is your favorite guy rolling under the radar? I know you liked Chris Johnson and Matt Forte a lot - and both look very good, so I trust your opinion. Your top 5 I didn’t list???”

You bet bub, but I must warn you, I also thought Rashard Mendenhall was the best of the bunch. But you’re right, I tend to do alright with my draft pick knowledge - and Mendenhall might be good, we just won’t know for a while. This is how I’d list my Top 5 that you didn’t.

1. LeSean McCoy - Denver, please draft this kid and make me a visionary!

2.  Chase Coffman - I think he’ll have a more immediate impact than Dustin Keller - he’s got great mitts.

3. Kenny Britt - I’m not sure what his speed is, and that should be something you look at, but he’s a big physical kid that can dominate the top corners he plays in college. He’s on a bad offensive team this year, so he might be next season’s Eddie Royal - a steal in the 2nd or 3rd round.

4. Derrick Williams - If you’ve seen the Nittany Lions lately, there’s no doubt who they think their best player is - Williams may seem small but his size isn’t bad and he has great athleticism and timing.

5. Javon Ringer and Brandon Gibson (WR from WSU): You know the first guy, and he won’t be given much love but I see him a lot like I saw Ray Rice - a complete runner that does everything well enough to play at the next level. He’ll be a later selection but could play right away. Brandon Gibson won’t be well known but he has all the ability. He’s at a terrible school that can’t do anything offensively - and that’s no place for a great receiver. Look for him to impress at the next level.

theRUNDOWN: Week 12

theRUNDOWN Review: Week 11

For those of you new to theRUNDOWN this is what I do. I pick my best team of the week, some nice plays with a few reasons to back up my picks. After that I list a couple sleepers, either decent guys that I expect to have good weeks, or relatively unused guys I like to do well. Then, at the end I list a few usually solid guys that I would leave on the bench. Last week I had one of my best rundown’s of the season - how’d this weekend go? It was a tough week to be one of my sleepers, but my starting lineup basically did work. Here’s the final tally… 152… Check it out!

Ask Papa Weimer: Week 11

Believe it or not, I’m back - back to share the questions that be asked upon me. Don’t forget, you can send your questions to papaweimer50@hotmail.com - I answer them relatively promptly for an old sour man, and every once in a while you get a little humor that should brighten your otherwise gloomy day. Bingo!

Red Red Ryan writes, “Thank you for all your wisdom - I did all the fantasy bowing you suggested, even making a little shrine of Splinter Shannahan - this all turned around last week when I went into overtime once again, and needed less than 20 points from Steve Breaston to win the game. I thought I was in trouble when Breaston basically had that covered going into the half, but it was the Anquan Boldin show after the break and I ended up winning by a point. Is there anyone else I should pay homage to this week?”

Anytime I can help, I’m happy to do so - unless of course you are in a league with me, in that case you should worship the wrong fantasy figures like Brian Billick, Andy Reid, John Fox, and Freddie Mitchell. Red, you have been a valued reader, and hilarious question asker over the years, and I just wanted to offer you a blog/post spot on team LuckyLester.com. I talked to the young buck and he likes your style, besides the redness, but thinks you’d be a nice addition. Let me know if you’d be interested, and you’ll have free reign to write whatever you want (that’s not abusive and terrible). As for things you should do this week, I’d reccomend putting on some old football pads, grabbing a baseball bat, and do your best rendition of the famous Bo Jackson poster. Take that, put it on your wall in a frame, and watch your fantasy stats soar into the playoffs. Nothing better than the Red meets Bo poster. Good luck!

Johnny 6 asks, “Would you start DeAngelo Williams over Adrian Peterson this week? The Panthers play the Lions and AP goes up against a tough Tampa D - your call big guy.”

Johnny one better than Five, that’s a tough one, but yes I would start DeAngelo. He’s been great lately, and the team is really feeding him the rock. AP does have a very tough match-up against the Bucs, a team that has allowed one single rushing touchdown all year long. I expect that game to be heave Bucs early, but it’s hard as hell not to start that beast in Minnesota. Yes, I’d start DeAngelo, and I’m hoping for you that I’m right about that one.

Alice in Dublin writes, “I’m a chick, I’m hot, I’m in 25, and I’m living in Dublin while playing fantasy football - how many of those have you gotten questions from? Here’s the deal, I’m playing my stupid boyfriend this week and I just want to make sure I beat his ass. I have to start 2 running backs between Steve Slaton, Marion Barber, and Joseph Addai - and I have to start 3 receivers from Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson, Jericho Cotchery, and Brandon Marshall - which 5 do you start? Thanks in advance, I’ll love you forever if you give me good advice.”

I think I’m in love. Alice, the answer to your first question is none. For your football related stuff, I’d go with Marion Barber for sure, and a slight lean toward Steve Slaton over Addai. Seems crazy, with Addai healthy and all, but the place to attack the Texans is through the air, and with that being said I’m almost willing to believe that Dominic Rhodes does just as well as Addai. I know Slaton was bad last week, and Bob Sanders the running game missile is back for the Colts, but I like Slaton to have a solid game this week, just a little better than Addai’s. At receiver I’d leave Calvin Johnson on the bench, as crazy as that sounds, and I’d start Brandon Marshall, Jericho Cotchery, and Andre Johnson. It’s a tough call between Calvin and Andre, both have very tough match-ups, but despite the top pass defense in Indy, Sage takes plenty of chances and Andre is an absolute beast. I couldn’t sit him down. I love your style, feel free to write in any time.

Ask Papa Weimer: Week 10

Week double digits is back - I’m old, I’m white, I’m wealthy - and I still voted Obama - ha! Beat ya…. Alright, alright, in the light of our recent election that had Obama stealing red states, and it being about as lopsided a victory as I’ve seen since Clinton’s second term - I thought I’d print one normal response and a couple of my one liners that I’ve been replying with, some sure thing answers for a sure thing week. gObama!

Darnell Harris from his iPhone writes, “Of these listed wideouts, what three do you recommend starting? Drew Brees is my QB, RB’s are Jacobs, M. Turner, and Chris Johnson. WR’s to choose from are Colston, Jennings, Curtis, Coles, Matt Jones, Mason, and Gage. Big game this week! Any advice is greatly appreciated…”

Thanks for writing in. It looks like you have a solid lineup this week. While Jacobs is going up against a very tough Eagles defense, they seem to have a little trouble against power rushing attacks, and Jacobs is every bit of that. Mike Turner has a nice match-up against the Saints. New Orleans has been better against the run this year, but after Matt Ryan had the best of the Saints last time out, you’d think they try to make life a little tougher for him, Turner is a solid bet. Chicago is solid against the run, no doubt, but Chris and the Titans can run on anyone, and I actually think the Titans run game does alright on Sunday. Drew - great option. Colston and Jennings are sure things to me, both have great secondary match-ups and both are amazing talents that I would start against anyone. I have to believe Colston is back to full health. Your real question here is a 3rd wideout, and I think it’s between Coles (@ St. Louis), Jones (@ Detroit), and Mason (@ Houston) - Gage is alright, but I’m not so sure I’d start him over these three. St. Louis ranks 28th in pass defense but is second worse in yards given up per attempt with 8.7 - so their secondary is BAD. Detroit is 29th, but they give up more yards per pass attempt than anyone in the league, and Houston is actually middle of the pack in the secondary, and I think they’ve been better since Dunta Robinson joined the group. Based on that, I’m eliminating Mason from the wash. Between Jones and Coles, I think Coles is the better player and while Thomas Jones is sure to get lots of action on Sunday, so are the Jaguar running backs agaisnt Detroit’s 31st ranked run defense. The Jags have really struggled late, and you’d have to think they run the ball as much as possible on Sunday. So I guess my final word is Coles. He’s consistent, he seems to be Brett’s favorite target, and on play action pass he should have a couple big plays this weekend. Good luck my man.

Insane Bolt writes, “Have you ever seen a more explosive running back than Chris Johnson?”

Yes - Barry Sanders, Gale Sayers, Walter Peyton, and Jim Brown - all four were more explosive in different ways - but I love me some Chris Johnson highlights, don’t get me wrong.

Chorizo Bill asks, “In a dynast league who would be your top 10 quarterbacks? I’m thinking the next 4-5 years… I’m not asking who is the best now, or the best value, or anything like that - I’m asking which guys you think will average the most fantasy points over the next 4 to 5…”

Pork Willy; fair enough. Here goes nothing… Tony Romo, Drew Brees, Jay Cutler, Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Carson Palmer, Philip Rivers, Matt Schaub, Ben Roethlisberger, Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, Matt Ryan, Jason Campbell - that’s 13 but I do what I want… This year I think this is my list for end of season… Brees, Cutler, Warner, McNabb, Aaron Rodgers, Peyton Manning, Philip Rivers, Brett Favre, Jake Delhomme, Brett Favre, and Chad Pennington…. 11, I know.

Huey LOUIS from Kuai says, “My favorite player to watch these days is Marion Barber - he may not be the fastest but that guys goes all out - who’s your favorite player of all time?

Too Tall Tim asks, “My kid is a big tall skinny kid, and I’m trying to get him to play football as well as hoops - he just wants to play pretty hoop ball. He says there’s nobody tall that has ever been good (and we’re talking position players here) - is there anybody in the 6′6 range that isn’t a lineman and is an example I could use?

Torrance asks, “If you could start your NFL football team with 5 players, who would they be?”

Jameson from Kentucky writes, “Why doesn’t the spread offense work in the NFL?”

Q&A Ask Papa Weimer: Week 9

We’ll be through the halfway mark after this weekend’s action and there are some burning questions being asked by my valued readers… Here are a few that came up this week.

Johnsonvile from Jacksonville asks, “Okay, so we know Larry Johnson likes to slap a B*!$#, and the Chiefs are doing their best to lose enough to get what they want come draft day, but what does that mean for Larry Johnson for the next few weeks after he gets back? I kind of want to drop the clown and pick up Ryan Torain - what do you think?”

I love me some brats, sir - yummm…. Anyway, I don’t think you lose much by giving Larry the axe for a stretch run that could bonus you a productive kid in Denver’s system. The Broncos might just do alright having a rushing attack, and it’s possible that Torain starts to produce as soon as he gets a look. Now, you know, before he gets 15 carries and goes off, would be a good time to take that chance. LJ the beater is already gone for Week 10, and that leaves only a few weeks for him to make an impact for your team before the playoffs. If you are looking for a way to win a couple games, and you don’t have room to let Larry sit, I’d go ahead and go for a guy like Torain. Maybe even Kevin Faulk or Dominic Rhodes this week instead. But I like Ryan, and I think he has lots of upside. Larry is still running for a bad team - so take a chance if you get the chance. Yum, bratwursts.

Red Red Ryan asks, “I’m in a keeper league and would love to get rid of some age to get some youth - I think there are some good rookies coming up, and I was wondering what you thought about giving up some solid players now for rookie draft picks this year - how’s the class coming up? I have Torry Holt, Hines Ward, and DeAngelo Williams (I know he’s not old, but J-Stewart is behind him).”

Red, the gods still aren’t doing you well, eh? Going down in the dumps, looking for youth? Fair enough - this is what I see from the incoming class…

Studs: Michael Crabtree, Jeremy Maclin, Beanie Wells, LeSean McCoy, Knowshon Moreno, Darrius Heyward-Bey, Percy Harvin: These guys all look to be fantastic pro prospects. Maclin is unbelievable fast and has solid size, Crabtree is a beast and has the physical to play right now, and I can’t say enough about Well, McCoy, and Moreno - and Bey and Harvin are elite prospects as well. 7 good ones if they all come out.

Good with Upside: Sam Bradford, Mathew Stafford, C.J. Spiller, Juaquin Inglesias, Demetrius Byrd, Chase Coffman, Tim Tebow?: I like Bradford a lot, and Stafford has a nice arm, but this group has some questions (besides Chase, he seems solid as an NFL TE) - Even with all Tebow’s skills, I wonder how he projects at the next level - some upside there, sure, but does he have enough with his arm?

Solid, not studs, worth looking at drafting: Javon Ringer, James Davis, P.J. Hill, Derrick Williams, Brian Robiskie, Mark Sanchez, Brandon Pettigrew, Arian Foster: Some good college players here, and some project solid at the next level, I’m just not completely sold on any of them quite yet. Ringer sure works hard though.

Sleepers: Jarrett Dillard, Ramses Barden, Sammy Straughter: These young receivers have all the moves and ability, now we’ll see how they can use it.

Something like that. I don’t know if I’d give Tory away just yet, he might make a return on your investment here in the next couple weeks, but if you can get a younger player with some upside and a 1st round pick, you might want to look at that. He is getting older. Hines has been solid for most of the season, and I think his style of play keeps him active and productive for a while here, but he could be a guy to look at getting a pick for, sure. I think 1st round rookie picks are big, and there looks to be about 10 guys from this class (i’m assuming at least a few of my “upside” guys become really good) that should be there for you with middle round picks. Remember though, young receivers don’t lose much value staying in and while Crab and Maclin and Heyward all have that “now” ability, they could hang out and play some college ball for a while too. As for the running backs, if they are NFL graded they will likely come out, saving some wear on those legs is a smooth move. I would keep DeAngelo around unless you get a good deal for him - he’s a young runner with solid upside. He does a lot of things well and he’s proving that this season. I know he has a stud behind him, but none of the guys you listed are assured to go to a place where they will be the guy. You have a solid youngster in Williams, might as well hang onto him.

Ask Papa Weimer: Week 8

Here you go folks, a couple bright emails sent in from readers and answered by me… Just like that.

David from the Midwest writes, “I need to pick up some receivers but I can’t seem to grasp which one or two I should grab. How would you rank the following Galloway, Bryant, Avery, Morgan, and Walker. Give reasons for how you ranked them. I like Galloway,but Gruden has said Bryant will continue to start. Avery, Walker, and Morgan intrigue me. Let me know.”

Boy, Avery, Morgan, and Walker all kind of interest me too - and for much different reasons. Morgan probably is the biggest sure thing for numbers as he’s supposed to continue his starting ways for the season and Martz seems to love him and you know Mikey is going to throw the rock - but Galloway and Bryant are both good receivers that have proven legit options over the time of their careers. Tough call really. I would rank them like this… Galloway, Morgan, Bryant, Avery, Walker - but they are all very close in this ranking. The space that seperates 1-5 isn’t all that much. Galloway is old and has been injured a lot, plus there’s a chance he doesn’t even start when he gets back (which I think is crazy) - still, he’s shown his upside, and he’s one fast receiver even as old as he is. Morgan is very young and has just one decent game in his career, but I like him. Bryant was certainly a nice PPR option a few times, he was a top pick, but also a guy that’s warn out his welcome numerous times - but he has been the most productive this season. Then you have Walker - shooit, all the talent in the world but he’s been a head case has a tough team to play receiver for, and he faces Baltimore this week. Avery is lightning and has been getting open a few times a game, and Dallas hasn’t shown anything. Maybe I’d drop Galloway down, but it’s hard because he’s so proven. Tough call man - good luck in your choice.

Red Red Ryan writes, “Okay, I’ve paid my homage to the powers that be. I found an old set of Ninja Turtles and have them all looking up to a Mike Shannahan coaching football card. Warren Moon got a fan-mail from me recently, responded with a “thank you, this and that, this and that” and as for Shannon Sharp, I stopped by a farm recently and fed some horses grass. That should do it eh? That being said, who should I start this week? Brandon Jacobs or DeAngelo Williams? Oh, wait, Addai’s out, I’ll start them both… Ouch. Okay, who would you start at QB? Big Ben or Jake Delhomey? Thanks for the advice, I’ll need the good ju-ju this week.

Red Red Ryan - you probably still need to dye your hair, but you’ve done well young student. I’m going to keep this short, because I don’t think I can compete with your actual question/statement. You are quite the fantasy enthusiast, and while Big Ben will have to throw against the Giants, so will Jake against the Cardinals. I don’t see the Panthers running around well at home this week, but Jake should have nice numbers. With his full compliment of receivers, I like him the best this week. Good luck!

theRUNDOWN: Week 8

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