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Ten rules to live by if you're a teenaged seed
By Keith Chambers
Congratulations!
Your team just made it to the Big Dance for the first
time in twenty years! You have a chance to create a
legacy that goes further than pop culture could ever
bring you (Cornell references on The Office) and your
team has a chance to do what has never been done: Beating
a #1 seed in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.
Now
I'm not saying that a team like Siena is destined by
a force greater than we know for the #16 seed (or worse,
the dreaded #16B seed) but when your team comes from
the MAAC, OVC, or you take the New Jersey Institute
of Technology to the NCAA's in March Madness 08, you're
destined for the 13, 14, 15, or 16 line. Not just because
that's typically where lower level and or mid-major
Conference Champions are seeded by current design, but
also because honestly, your favorite team rarely goes
against the nation's "elite" in a season,
and uncommonly has a chance to play anyone in the Top
25.
However,
who doesn't like to take Austin Peay State University
over UCLA once in a while? How wild does an establishment
get when a #15 seed goes on an 11-0 run to cut Memphis'
lead to four? And how many of you out there predicted
on the first try that George Mason would romp all the
way to the Final Four in 2006? We're a nation that loves
underdogs - plucky young teams that have less money
for their athletic budget than North Carolina has for
"travel costs related to recruiting." We like
the little guy! But why else do we like the little guy?
It's because they follow a code that, until now, has
never been seen. I myself have traveled long and far
to find these rules (or just made this up) and am proudly
able to present them to you, the viewing public…
The
Ten Commandments of Being an Underdog
I.
Don't expect the viewing public to know your fight song,
school colors, or mascot until you win a game.
Obviously graduates of the school know the fight song,
the traditions, the reason why the fans scream "Refried
beans" or whatever when a three-point shot is made.
However, since history is written by champions, nobody's
going to brush up on the history behind your school
nickname. Unless you win. Then you can break out weird
alumni telling us how you came to be. The only reason
we know the lyrics to Hot,
Hot, Hot is because Appalachian State beat Michigan.
In football. At the Big House.
II.
Don't commit any hard fouls when your team is trailing
by more than twenty points with less than ten minutes
to play.
One huge reason why people love underdogs is because
they play so clean and there's usually a gigantic religious
background behind the college, as if they were destined
to win. So when you, a 6' 9" Post who wants to
be the second guy to break Hansbrough's nose attempts
to block him out, keep the elbows under his armpits.
Otherwise, some alums won't be too happy with what their
school's doing anymore, and say goodbye to your fraternity
house pool table.
III.
Don't ever say "nobody expected us to be here",
"nobody wants us to win", "there's nobody
out there who cares about us" or "nobody
is giving us any respect".
Please. There are NCAA
Tournament pools out there where, if you're the
first one out, you get twice your entry fee back. Don't
think for a moment that NBA teams are the only people
who tank to get a shot at glory - Millions of fans are
doing it too! People expect you here, they just don't
expect much out of you being here. The best examples
of overachieving happen in three places - reality television,
standardized tests, and the NCAA Tournament.
IV.
Don't try to be the next George Mason, try to be the
sweetest 16.
Sure, we all know about the George Mason run to the
riches that broke approximately 54,742,039 brackets
nationwide. But wouldn't it be cool if your Alabama
State team took out Tennessee? Forget about what would
happen next, you're talking about a potentially earth
shaking event as 200 million Americans simultaneously
burn their tournament brackets. That's earth getting
a million pounds lighter right there.
V.
Don't "Pop your Top" or flare out your jersey
after a win.
Absolutely nobody has the right to do this in the NCAA
tournament's early rounds because there's not going
to be a re-match of a conference series where two teams
won on each other's home floor. It's not about showing
up the other team off the court during March Madness,
it's about getting that win and increasing your chances
of being on "One Shining Moment." (Crying
helps, too.) Also, if you're some private school (and
I know some that make the tournament are… admit
it, Gonzaga, Brigham Young) you should, under no circumstances
whatsoever, pop your top. Ever. In a million years.
On a basketball court.
VI.
Have personality. Seriously.
Here's where the fun happens. Coaches, break out those
suits that look like they were hot off the rack at Value
Village. Players, get towels and wave them after every
basket, showing spirit we haven't seen in a basketball
game since Peyton Manning danced during SNL. Mascots,
do… whatever it is you do. And fans, chant your
name loudly, proudly, and never back down. Bring signs
that only vaguely have a "C", a "B",
and an "S" in them. (For extra credit, bring
a "CSTV" sign if your team's in one of the
two opening round "buried" games.) There's
a catch for fans as well - Don't get arrested. Actually…
VII.
Don't get arrested.
This one's important for everyone in a team's bandwagon.
Just because you've never been to Raleigh, North Carolina
doesn't mean you can be a jerk after your team wins
and vandalize the closest Checkers
restaurant. Just because a fan of Duke spit in your
soda pop (The NCAA: Where alcohol NEVER happens) doesn't
mean you can punch him or her in the face. Use common
sense while traveling to venues - people tend to be
meaner to tourists than locals.
VIII.
Don't feel bad for ruining people's travel plans.
There was a "Road
to the Final Four" show on CBS one year where
a coach, after a win, sending his underdog team to the
Sweet 16, yelled "And we're ruining a lot of people's
vacation plans!" which really should be a rallying
call for just about every team, maybe ever, with regards
to the NCAA Tournament. One big thing about this, though,
don't ask fans of the team you just upset what hotel
they had reservations at. Slow. Burn.
IX.
When things look bleak, remember your conference rival's
in a tournament with few letters and fewer viewers.
There's absolutely no reason why the kids from Western
Kentucky should be worried about who they play during
the first round. Here's why: They've seen their opponent,
have great scouting tapes on them, and know their superstar
because their opponent has (more than likely) been on
television. The only two things Western Kentucky's known
for? Their red mascot and Kige
Ramsey. The opponent of the Hilltoppers (Yeah, I
had to look it up… Go back to rule #1) has to dig
a bit to find tapes and the WKU players haven't been
all over magazine covers or ESPN's BottomLine this season.
Obviously the talent aspect favors the higher seed,
but as a wise man once said, "Talent got us to
10-10."
X.
Empty the playbooks - Just have fun.
When all is said and done, the court's the same size,
the hoop's still made of iron, ten feet off of the ground,
and you jump for the ball to start the game. There's
nothing different about the game when it's on the grand
stage, except people don't have to have cable to see
your team, Belmont. It's just a game, plain and simple,
and if you score more than the other team you'll advance,
if you don't, you had a good run. If you keep winning
you'll do wonders for your school and alumni you didn't
even know you had will start popping up out of the woodwork.
Just enjoy the stage and always remember to let your
team know how many timeouts you have.
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