Dallas @ Panthers, Jaguars @ Raiders, Steelers @ Bengals, Lions @ Bears

Dallas Cowboys (-2) @ Carolina Panthers

The room-coaster gets going this week and up, up, up, up and away the Cowboys go. I know, you don’t think so. You think it’s over. You think the Cowboys have finally hit the fan (yes, you’re reading into that right, I meant what I said, how I said it) but you are wrong. Why are you wrong? What’s my back-up? I got a feeling. Cowboys win by two scores and Romo has a day.

Jacksonville Jaguars (+6) @ Oakland Raiders

I will take points when two bad teams play. I will take points when two bad teams play. I will take points when…. But one of them has Blaine Gabbert… But they also have Maurice Jones-Drew. Their defense is terrible. The Raiders make defenses good… All of them. Dang it, guess I’ll take the points.

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals (+1)

The Steelers have offensive line and running back woes for days. First of all, when their line was supposedly healthy, or at least when they started the season, they couldn’t run the ball a lick. Mendenhall comes back and they run the ball decent for one game. He gets hurt and Isaac Redman plays well, finally. But he got hurt. Now it’s back-up, back-up, and his back-up. Oh, did I mention the line is not one bit of healthy? The Steelers are old and dinged up and they still play like they are young and physical. I think AJ Green has a day and the Bengals win at home.

Detroit Lions (+6.5) @ Chicago Bears

Jay Cutler is such a poo-face in clown shoes that I’m almost sure his cooler-than-life attitude will bring back Mr. Suh’s destroyer persona. Stafford has been bad, horrifically bad thus far – but that can’t last forever, can it? I mean, even if he is going to be bad and inconsistent and walk around like it’s no big deal that he is sucking more than Jay Cutler, every once in a while he has to accidentally have a good game. That’s this game. That’s Monday Night where everyone who was a believer becomes a believer again. He’ll break your huevos next week, but this week he ousts the Bears on the road. PS – Calvin Johnson is the Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hulgan, and Usain Bolt welded together into one heroic receiver big-brothering defensive backs for food.